Mental Health: Be Yourself

A few years ago, I would have done anything to be somebody else.
I hated myself; my appearance. Most days, I didn't want to leave the house, let alone go to school.

When I started secondary school, I was happy. Naive you might say. But, I soon discovered just how complicated, competitive and frankly, petty social situations and teenage life could be.

Each school year, I jumped from one friend group to the next, trying to find the place where I fitted in. But, I never found it. I wasted six years of my life trying to be something I wasn't.

I dropped out of school at 17. I suffered with suicidal thoughts and my life seemed like a waste of time. So I took the situation into my own hands and just removed myself from the main problem. I let down a lot of people, but they didn't understand that I was depressed. Only my boyfriend and I knew the bigger picture: If I stayed in school, hating life, I probably wouldn't be here today.

Why was school so bad? I wasn't bullied or picked on. I was more or less left alone. My boyfriend, Frankie, however was quite popular. So we were always surrounded by the most outgoing, confident and attractive people. It made me feel like shit.

You all know what it feels like to be constantly compared to other people. It's a horrible feeling. 

I was always surrounded by (what I thought at the time were) perfect girls. Girls that know how to put on make up and how to do their hair because they literally study it- Hair and beauty students.

I feared I wasn't good enough for Frankie because he had been used to that standard all his school life. It made me try so hard to be like those girls. I would attempt to copy their makeup and hair, but I never looked as good as them. I didn't even come close to it. I was and am really bad at applying makeup. I know the basics and stuff, but it's as though my face wasn't built to wear it (is that a thing?) It never stays on and never looks good. Yet, I thought I looked really ugly without makeup on.
I couldn't win either way, which contributed greatly to my depression.

So, I suffered. I suffered so long being someone I wasn't because I thought that was who I wanted/needed to be. It made me suicidal. That's why I dropped out of school. 

Being away from that competitive social situation made me realise who I actually was. Alone, I learned about true, natural beauty and I am such an advocate for it now. I took the time to think about my life and my problems and how I could solve them: I didn't look good wearing makeup- so I needed to overcome my fear of not wearing makeup. I gained the confidence and maturity to know that I look better without it. I look back at those girls and I wonder why I ever tried to look like them.

Now, I don't try to please anyone. I don't care what people think about me and I pity those that believe image is everything. There is so much more to life.


I have gained freedom and respect by being myself. And I am the happiest I have ever been in my life.


Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think.
+ Thanks for all your support on my last post, it really means a lot.